I grieve that I recently quit my job! Oh, do I hurt over that... I quit because FOCUS is the word for the day... FOCUS on other issues in my life. When life changes abruptly a sadness sometimes sets in and creates a need to heal, accept and find contentment in the unwelcome change.
Great waves of regret knock me down and threaten to drown me. I confess, I made this decision during high emotional turmoil... not wise. Not sure why I was deaf to the wisdom tucked in my heart that says, "sit still when emotion runs high... no sudden turns when the hurt runs deep." No, I just charged ahead and made a wrong turn...bummer. But, what's done is done. God still sits sovereign on the throne of my life. He will work this out for good. There's work to be done in my life and he is doing it ruthlessly--ouch!
The wise person in my shoes would probably have a grand perspective in this same situation. The wise person might say..."Hey, wow... maybe God is trying to do a new thing! How exciting!" All I can honestly say right now is... "This sucks! I hurt! Why did this have to happen? What have I done? I'm soooo dumb! Ugh!!!"
One of our pastors gave an excellent and timely sermon on grieving last week. Grieving the loss of a job was one example he used. I especially resonated with a practice he shared from ancient Jewish customs which allows a mourner to do nothing for 7 days but sit alone and cry. The Jewish people of that day understood the need to process loss. Anyone who wanted to comfort the mourner was not allowed to say anything but only come along side and cry too.
I know that sounds extreme in my case, but something about simply crying, accepting the reality that it IS a loss, not just something I must accept and get over, but allowing myself to experience release through tears and letting go can bring freedom. It's as if God were giving me permission to create space and time to do nothing else but grieve my loss and that he would be right there crying along with me... not to give me advice or to remind me to have faith, but just to gently understand that loss hurts. I love Him!
So whenever I feel I need to, I sit and cry and will continue until my heart grows stronger. God is good! And when I'm ready, I will go back to work... Yay.
Next week Rick and I are off to Colorado for some much needed retreat and refreshment. So you may or may not hear from me next week. Have a great week!
Love much!!!
Donna
If this helps any- just also try to remember that life is about experience and love and nothing more. These two things teach us the lessons we need to learn for our time on this beautiful planet. And this comes in the form of other people and through new experiences and these experiences cannot happen without the key of 'change'. Painful like a birth, change and letting go can be like that many times. (Believe me, I've been there, with a company I felt I had helped build, going bankrupt on me a number of years ago.) But abrupt change can also be beautiful. As you know, there are no mistakes, so try to comfort yourself with that. Your quitting-as irrational as you seem to think your decision in many ways may have been- it wasn't a mistake. It was divine intervention. Meant to be Donna. Also too, it is impoortant to greive, a bit, but you can choose what Buddhists call 'Satori' "instant awakening" and choose peace and happiness as soon as you want.
ReplyDeleteMy blessings to you.
xo Trenny
Hey, I miss you seeing you at 5:15 am! I wondered what happened to ya. If I were you I would enjoy sleeping in :)
ReplyDeleteWow Donna! I certainly know what you mean about having to grieve a loss with a job...praying with you!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you are going through all of this! Hopefully being away from the situation with your hubby will be good medicine for you. Go and enjoy Beautiful Colorado!!!
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