When Self Defeat Sets In...

I had such a great week last week... what happened to this week? On bad days (in any arena in life.... physical, spiritual, social, emotional) do you ever wonder how you could have possibly been in such a great spot one day and then to find yourself in such a pathetic place the next? Do you wake up some days and feel like a total disappointment to yourself or to others or even to God? And when we have a bad day or week why is it so easy to beat ourselves up and sink into self-hatred, thinking we somehow deserve to be miserable?

On the flip side if someone you know confides in you about something "bad" in their life... what is our first response? Rarely would we bash them and make them feel they deserve misery as a result. I believe most of us understand and feel compassion for our confiding friends and want to do what we can to help them sort through the thing and give them a different way to frame their situation so they can emerge out of it a stronger person. In my experience helping friends sort through things, never once do I think... "Wow, God must really be shaking his head at her now... I wonder if He will forgive her?" NO WAY.... instead I'm usually trying to convince her that God's love never changes and He will always love her... no matter how hard her struggle.

So why are we so gracious with others while so hard on ourselves? In my failure I always feel like I must be a total disappointment to God and how will he ever accept me... I wouldn't blame him if he hated me... He must be so tired of dealing with me! Ask my husband Rick... so many times he has heard me say... "Just take me out in back and shoot me!"

Maybe you don't struggle with thoughts like these... I hope you don't... If you don't, you probably already live out the principles I am trying to wrap my brain around and get a better handle on for times when self-defeat sets in.

These principles come from a favorite author of mine... Brennan Manning. If you struggle with self-defeating thoughts or a scarred image of yourself I HIGHLY recommend his books! (Ragamuffin Gospel, Abba's Child, The Wisdom of Tenderness, The Furious Longing of God)
I LOVE THIS MAN'S STUFF!

so anyway... he has tons of priciples, I want to focus on one...

Understand that we are the greatest obstacle to our own nobility of soul... How so? By refusing to believe, embrace and live out what is already true about who we are. Brennan says... "Sanctity lies in discovering my true self; moving toward it and living out of it." I think the most important piece of this principle is understanding that what is true about us has always been true... there has never been a time when you were not loved by God... there has never been anything in your life that has caused God to begin loving you or that has caused him to stop loving you... HE ALWAYS HAS AND ALWAYS WILL! Nothing can ever change that! To me that's a mind blowing truth I need to live out of... I have worth that has been going on in God's heart for eternity past and eternity future just because the thought of creating me brought him delight? Whoa! That perspecitive changes a lot of things in my thinking, believing and ultimately in my living. If He loves me like that I have the freedom to love me too... warts and all!

Does that truth lighten your load like it does mine? When understood and embraced everything else in life can spring from this strong foundation. When we fail to see it or understand or distance ourselves from this truth we supress what could be. We become slothful... which is a refusal to go on the inward journey--a choosing to protect ourselves from passion. We miss out on what is true, right, noble, excellent and praiseworthy about reality and instead we let our fascination rest in worthless pursuits in an unreal world that is passing away.

Think about it.... understanding love is there... forgiveness is there and always has been and always will be... why would we choose to live anywhere else? Even when we feel we have "crossed the line" of God's love, we have to get beyond that and believe what is true! What helps me to believe (regardless of my feelings) is taking my eyes off of me long enough to instead focus on God's love in action... "he sent his only son into the world not to condemn the world but to save it." Do I believe this massive sacrifice on the part of God is a good enough work to save me?

On bad days I have been trying to pray something like this to help defeat lies... "Dear God, even though I feel like a failure and loser I am choosing to put these feelings aside and instead focus on the massive work you did for me... I am choosing to have faith in that work and pray anyway even though the lies say you would never listen to a loser like me and instead I believe you hear me based on the fact that you simply love me and the work you did is enough. It's for these very failures that you did the work so I could come to you anyway." ... and then I go on with whatever it is I want to say to God that day.

The work Jesus did on the cross I could never do for myself... that's why it's ridiculous to think there is anything I can do to earn my way into God's heart...it just wouldn't be good enough. He did it all for me! Anything He does IS good enough and worthy to be believed and marveled over by his creation. When we BELIEVE it re-programs our brains to live free of condemnation... he doesn't condemn me, so why do I condemn myself or anyone else for that matter? God loves me. Period. I can learn from mistakes and ask forgiveness but never have to feel condemned.

I talk a lot about physical fitness in my blog because that is my line of work and I believe God has placed that passion in my life to be lived out... but if we only focus on our physical fitness and ignore our spiritual fitness (I have been guilty of this very thing) we're really missing the boat in becoming and living to our full potential. I am most fulfilled when I have balance in my pursuit of grasping what is means to be fully alive both physically, (because we are physical beings and so much of life is affected depending on how we are doing physically) and spiritually (because we are spiritual beings and life is even more affected depending on how we are doing spiritually)... sometimes the consequences of neglecting spiritual health seem not to show up as much and we keep plugging along without it.... but eventually it will catch up to us and we do well to pay attention and invest spiritually so that the passion of God can well up as we move toward, live out, and discover our true selves.

What can you do today to begin an investment spiritually? I have an idea... read one of Brennan's books! ;O) His insight has been a great renewal for me! Have a great day!