Live a Life of Love and Know Love!

I did it! I am officially the proud owner of a permanent new friend. It is etched on the inside of my left ankle... yes... it's a tattoo! :O) Rick and I decided to get tattoos last week during our time in Colorado. His is etched on his right shoulder. We were surprised to discover that Christian leaders who visit the ranch decide to mark the occasion in similar ways... many times marking it with a tattoo. (another item to check off my bucket list... yay!)

The tattoo was a fun yet painful experience, but more importantly now is the meaning behind the "mark". I'm surprised how much mine means to me... it depicts the image of a dove with a glowing halo behind it and 1John 4:18-19 etched above. The dove and halo symbolize "freedom and light" while the verse reminds me that perfect love expels all fear!

My Perfect Love challenged me deeper last week. No... I mean really deep! I ventured out with a new prayer in my heart... "That I live a life of love and that I know love!" Simple, but not really! That's the way it always is with God I think... most of what he requires seems simple but it runs so much deeper than we know.

My plan is to show up every day just to be the object of his love believing life begins and ends here, and like a peaceful flowing river, allow His presence and truth to calmly wash me over. So, here is part of what God planted in and brought up out of my heart last week...

The furious love of God knows no shadow of alteration or change. It is reliable and always tender. His love is never based on performance, never conditioned by our moods of elation or depression. There is the "me" that people see-- then there is the "rest of me." When I can stand with the reality of the "rest of me" and not feel shame then I know better the love of God. "My name is Donna Wagner and I am ________... ouch.... How I got there, how I left there, and how I returned is part of the story of my life... BUT IT IS NOT THE WHOLE STORY!
(the above thoughts come from a great book called "The Furious Longing of God"... by Brennan Manning... pick up a copy, please!).

The reality is we all have "ouch" but none of the "ouch" has defining power. Do you believe that? Wow! I struggle with it... my list of "ouch" is long and well... "ouch". If we believe... really believe that the "ouch" has no defining power we are FREE from fear to be real with each other and less shocked and judgmental of each others "ouch" and can compassionately love and help to heal each other the way God does. I think that's what God had in mind... isn't that why he says DO NOT JUDGE! Because we are all in the same boat... duh! (I say that to myself there). It makes his grace truly amazing doesn't it? Maintaining this perspective prevents us from being fake and from trying to impress each other with our "togetherness".

I came to the conclusion since GOD loves me that's all I need and He frees me to be REAL. I recall times people have been real with me and how refreshing to my soul those times have been. So much more than when people try to impress. Don't you think? People who know they are REALLY LOVED just the way they are can be real and really love. Be warned though... knowing you are the object of his love WILL change you... it has to, it can't and won't leave you the same. That's real life; that's real adventure.

I am convinced if I make love my goal I cannot go wrong. It runs deep and is a dangerous prayer really. I know that... but the healing light runs even deeper and will have a ripple effect that I dare not miss.

1John 4:18-19
Such love has no fear because PERFECT LOVE expels all fear. If we are afraid it is for fear of judgment, and this shows that His love has not been perfected in us. We love each other as a result of His loving us first.

Hoping His love will be perfected in YOU!
Donna :O)

I'll try to get a photo up of my "oh so wonderful tattoo"... :O)

Ok... So the drama of my life continues...

I grieve that I recently quit my job! Oh, do I hurt over that... I quit because FOCUS is the word for the day... FOCUS on other issues in my life. When life changes abruptly a sadness sometimes sets in and creates a need to heal, accept and find contentment in the unwelcome change.

Great waves of regret knock me down and threaten to drown me. I confess, I made this decision during high emotional turmoil... not wise. Not sure why I was deaf to the wisdom tucked in my heart that says, "sit still when emotion runs high... no sudden turns when the hurt runs deep." No, I just charged ahead and made a wrong turn...bummer. But, what's done is done. God still sits sovereign on the throne of my life. He will work this out for good. There's work to be done in my life and he is doing it ruthlessly--ouch!

The wise person in my shoes would probably have a grand perspective in this same situation. The wise person might say..."Hey, wow... maybe God is trying to do a new thing! How exciting!" All I can honestly say right now is... "This sucks! I hurt! Why did this have to happen? What have I done? I'm soooo dumb! Ugh!!!"

One of our pastors gave an excellent and timely sermon on grieving last week. Grieving the loss of a job was one example he used. I especially resonated with a practice he shared from ancient Jewish customs which allows a mourner to do nothing for 7 days but sit alone and cry. The Jewish people of that day understood the need to process loss. Anyone who wanted to comfort the mourner was not allowed to say anything but only come along side and cry too.

I know that sounds extreme in my case, but something about simply crying, accepting the reality that it IS a loss, not just something I must accept and get over, but allowing myself to experience release through tears and letting go can bring freedom. It's as if God were giving me permission to create space and time to do nothing else but grieve my loss and that he would be right there crying along with me... not to give me advice or to remind me to have faith, but just to gently understand that loss hurts. I love Him!

So whenever I feel I need to, I sit and cry and will continue until my heart grows stronger. God is good! And when I'm ready, I will go back to work... Yay.

Next week Rick and I are off to Colorado for some much needed retreat and refreshment. So you may or may not hear from me next week. Have a great week!

Love much!!!
Donna

Just FYI for my readers....

My latest post is titled "NEW BEGINNINGS" When I was ready to publish, it came up below my post from last week. So keep scrolling down below last weeks post until you get to "New Beginnings" OK Thanks! Have a great day!