Do you ever wake up after a good work out the day before and suddenly feel it could very well be your 90th birthday? Aches, pains and soreness everywhere! Not just a good, normal sore that you actually enjoy having after a workout, but the kind of soreness that no longer feels quite right and leaves you wondering whatever happened to the idea that working out was suppose to make you feel better, infused with life, refreshed, more functional in daily life and not like a rickety and feeble 90 year old.
I recently felt this way a few weeks back. Plopping down to re-group for my next client one day I found new questions beginning to pester me... "Why am I so incredibly sore?... It's not like I've made drastic changes in my workout routine? Maybe it's old age setting in? Is there ever a point one gets too old to workout?"
I fumble around with these thoughts along with interesting feelings of anger, and denial and I notice my attempts to replace the thoughts and distract myself with busy work. What is it with me and getting older? I do admit it's not something I want to experience, but he big question know I need to ask myself is WHY??? And so I do.
I thought of the obvious reasons... wrinkles, gray hair, the possibility of being less active and gaining weight, loss of memory and brain function, etc.. etc... Those reasons really do stink and so I gave myself permission to say so. Then in an attempt to settle my mind on something better I remembered some insight I recently read about this inevitable fate of us all...
The author of the book I am presently reading paints a picture of herself at a beach (she's my age and she too can hardly bring herself to admit she's knee deep in her middle age). She candidly talks about a mild case she has... what she calls "Butt Mind"... It's when she goes through periods, especially now that she is in middle age, of comparing her butt to everyone else's butt and that she especially agonizes and struggles over it when she finds herself at tropical beaches because she almost always comes up with a "worse than" kind of butt than everyone else in her never ending comparisons.
She shares how it all started on one occasion. She found herself in heavy "Butt Mind" while on the plane to another tropical beach destination. Teenage girls were everywhere on this flight with their tiny shorts, youthful glow and stunning physical appearance. She caught herself going there but then tries to quickly remind herself of what she believes at a deeper level... "that a person being herself is beautiful-- that contentment and acceptance and freedom are beautiful and that heaven is really just about wearing a new pair of glasses". She tried to remind herself to spend less time thinking about what she sees and more time thinking about why she sees it that way. When she arrives at her destination she determines to live this kind of freedom out loud and decides not to wear a coverup over her swimsuit as she ventured out to the beach one day. In her book she quotes... "I had decided I was going to take my thighs and butt with me proudly wherever I went."
She shares about the first girls she saw on the beach. "They were young, nine or ten years old, enjoying splashing and playing... fearless, unself-conscious and lovely! Not yet affected by the obsession of what they don't have and forgetting what they do have. They played freely without a thought about their flaws, not yet measuring or comparing and still able to get caught up and lost in everything around them with awe and innocence."
The second group of girls (like dogs from hell, she said... lol)... were four teenagers who ended up waiting for the same bus as she. As she found herself in their company she immediately felt less than, and the fact that they looked at her, and then at each other with amusement... well let's just say her initial thought wasn't very nice... But then her heart softened she says... "I felt deep compassion for them: I wanted to tell them the good news-- that at some point you give up on ever looking much better than you do. Somehow you get a little older, a little fatter and you end up going a little easier on yourself. Or a lot easier... Ugliness is creeping around in fear. Beauty is simply being loyal to yourself."
So that's it! The insight that I think has set me free from the ugliness of the fear of middle age creeping around me is the idea of being loyal to myself! Being happy with who I am.. not that I haven't been happy with me but I guess I haven't been happy with who I may become...THE UNKNOWN!!! I have feared who I may become in middle age and old age. Instead, I determine when I see who I am becoming that I will not judge my aging body so harshly and torture myself by playing the "Mind Butt" game (c'mon, you all know you do it too!) but instead to be gentle with myself and my new changes... to be like the nine and ten year old girls who aren't so self aware and who get lost in moments and the wonder surrounding them... and also to cherish and spoil myself as I age as if it's something to celebrate... maybe getting caught up in slathering myself with a new divine smelling lotion or enjoying wearing a new T-shirt that makes me "feel sexy and free"(LOL) or maybe trying a new shade of lipstick... you know-- a kind of honoring myself and the new season that approaches and the changes that come. Not doing all this because I'm ashamed and trying to cover up or in an attempt to numb some kind of pain, but doing little celebratory things because who I am in every season is worthy of love and joy and celebration... and pampering!!! No harsh judging, comparing, or belittling because I recognize that it's a beautiful process.
"Sometimes (author of my book says)... you tend to your spirit through your body... you start with the outside and you get it right."
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Friday, November 2, 2012
Number One Ingredient for Success!
My first response is usually frustration when my children don't measure up to my expectations. But this morning when my son missed the bus AGAIN something inside me, almost like an invisible shield stopped me in my tracks warning me of the terrible mistake I'd make and great opportunity I'd miss if I chose to have a knee jerk response. I took a deep breath and wondered how things were going for him in general. I knew he had had a couple rough days recently and that with busy schedules I hadn't had much connecting time with him. So with a sincere desire to simply connect with him I decided not to lecture and nag but to calmly let him know I would be happy to take him to school.
Our conversation on the way to school revealed he has been struggling in his first hour chemistry class. We talked about his patterns of the past and his tendency to shut down when overwhelmed. It was a great opportunity to bring up and offer him some ideas I have been using which I've found to be extremely helpful in just about any area of life...
Watching my son grow up one thing that I know, that I know, that I know about him is he has incredible potential! The way this kid can focus and get determined is amazing. His problem like most of the rest of us is buried deep in his "mental models". Mental models shape every aspect of our lives. Most of us don't think big enough.... our mental models of the world stop us.
I tried to share with my son that he needs to move beyond his limited thinking that chemistry is just too hard. "Don't you remember".... I reminded him, "when you first started driving how nervous you were and how you kept telling yourself... 'I can't do it'. When I told you it was all in your head and instead to begin believing in yourself by being convinced that driving was no biggie and of course it's something you can do... it was then that you were able to relax about it and start to improve! Look at you now.... confidently driving by yourself all because you dismissed negative thoughts and replaced them with a successful vision of yourself driving and a mental model that ushered you into a better place."
Let's think it through. Isn't the key to attaining what you want mostly about desire. For my son... I asked him do you really want to pass chemistry? He does...cool. The next step is developing the confidence and the will to get it done. Get the right mental model about it... Feeding a negative thought process is what limits us, brings failure and frustration. There's an energy, I believe, that we emit though our thoughts and feelings that will attract corresponding circumstances. If my son resorts to believing he isn't smart enough for chemistry chances are he'll fail. I encouraged him to change that thought and envision himself confident about mastering the concepts and doing whatever it takes to ensure his own success. Not only to envision it but imagine and allow himself to feel the emotions that accompany his ability to succeed.
Doesn't the Bible admonish us to THINK about everything that is good, right, excellent, and true and urges us to believe and have faith? Why? Because that is where life is lived. In our thoughts and our beliefs about the way it is.... What we think, we will be... It seems pretty simple to me.
Have you ever been around a negative, faith-less person? Can you feel the negative toxicity all around them... Don't they almost emit a bad energy that is almost contagious? Pretty soon you begin complaining along with them. Most of the negative things they moan about end up manifesting in their lives because that is what they choose to focus on, what they choose to expend energy on. They allow their fear to guide their lives... But find yourself in the company of a positive, humble, peaceful and faith-filled person and the energy you feel from them immediately fills you with life, hope and desire to get after life with the same peace, humility and faith.
I shared a story with my son... I was faced with a challenging class in college... English Literature. I had never read such high level books before and was really struggling wrapping my brain around the language. I failed the first exam, as the teacher passed back the exams he shared his concerns and reminded everyone of the option of dropping the class before it was too late. I knew he was talking to me and I found myself after class in a bathroom stall crying because I did not want to give up. I determined on my walk back to my dorm room I would not give up and all I needed to do was to change my thinking... I could not waste time on negative self-defeating thoughts but filled my mind with confident, believing determination. I can grasp the ideas in this book and I will finish strong! I worked harder in that class than probably any other class in my four years of college an ended up with a "C"... a "C" I was very proud of!! I believe the professor passed me mainly because he sensed my determination and tenacity to not give up and rewarded me for it. Or maybe he just felt sorry for me... ha! ha! But hey, there's no denying I pushed through because of right thinking and I passed!!! I envisioned future success and made it happen.
Do you believe the circumstances in your life right now are a direct result of the way you think? Change your mind and change your world. The direction we are headed can be
altered. What do you want to do or be or have? Can we attract those realities in life by developing the right mental model?
In the Bible Jesus says some peculiar things... In Mark 11:22 he says... "Listen to me! You can pray for anything , and if you believe, you will have it." He also says if we have faith as small as a mustard seed we can say to a mountain throw yourself in the sea and it will obey. It seems a little impossible right? The emphasis I think he's trying to get across is "faith"... When we pray we have taken the time to bring to mind what we desire/need and then we present it to God in prayer... but it can't stop there. We have to believe in what we desire and have faith and determination that what we ask for is already ours. (Jesus words, not mine!) Our lack of faith and negative thought process will only delay life circumstances from lining up according to our desire/need. When we are unbelieving and full of fear and negativity that's what we attract into our lives because that's what we expend energy on! WHY?? Seems ridiculous. Jesus also said over 300 times DO NOT FEAR!!! Why not expend energy on what is true, right, noble, excellent and praise worthy and attract those things into our life instead? It just makes sense! What we think is what we are... Romans 12:1 says "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world but be TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND". Think right and live right! Change your thoughts and change your world!
Our conversation on the way to school revealed he has been struggling in his first hour chemistry class. We talked about his patterns of the past and his tendency to shut down when overwhelmed. It was a great opportunity to bring up and offer him some ideas I have been using which I've found to be extremely helpful in just about any area of life...
Watching my son grow up one thing that I know, that I know, that I know about him is he has incredible potential! The way this kid can focus and get determined is amazing. His problem like most of the rest of us is buried deep in his "mental models". Mental models shape every aspect of our lives. Most of us don't think big enough.... our mental models of the world stop us.
I tried to share with my son that he needs to move beyond his limited thinking that chemistry is just too hard. "Don't you remember".... I reminded him, "when you first started driving how nervous you were and how you kept telling yourself... 'I can't do it'. When I told you it was all in your head and instead to begin believing in yourself by being convinced that driving was no biggie and of course it's something you can do... it was then that you were able to relax about it and start to improve! Look at you now.... confidently driving by yourself all because you dismissed negative thoughts and replaced them with a successful vision of yourself driving and a mental model that ushered you into a better place."
Let's think it through. Isn't the key to attaining what you want mostly about desire. For my son... I asked him do you really want to pass chemistry? He does...cool. The next step is developing the confidence and the will to get it done. Get the right mental model about it... Feeding a negative thought process is what limits us, brings failure and frustration. There's an energy, I believe, that we emit though our thoughts and feelings that will attract corresponding circumstances. If my son resorts to believing he isn't smart enough for chemistry chances are he'll fail. I encouraged him to change that thought and envision himself confident about mastering the concepts and doing whatever it takes to ensure his own success. Not only to envision it but imagine and allow himself to feel the emotions that accompany his ability to succeed.
Doesn't the Bible admonish us to THINK about everything that is good, right, excellent, and true and urges us to believe and have faith? Why? Because that is where life is lived. In our thoughts and our beliefs about the way it is.... What we think, we will be... It seems pretty simple to me.
Have you ever been around a negative, faith-less person? Can you feel the negative toxicity all around them... Don't they almost emit a bad energy that is almost contagious? Pretty soon you begin complaining along with them. Most of the negative things they moan about end up manifesting in their lives because that is what they choose to focus on, what they choose to expend energy on. They allow their fear to guide their lives... But find yourself in the company of a positive, humble, peaceful and faith-filled person and the energy you feel from them immediately fills you with life, hope and desire to get after life with the same peace, humility and faith.
I shared a story with my son... I was faced with a challenging class in college... English Literature. I had never read such high level books before and was really struggling wrapping my brain around the language. I failed the first exam, as the teacher passed back the exams he shared his concerns and reminded everyone of the option of dropping the class before it was too late. I knew he was talking to me and I found myself after class in a bathroom stall crying because I did not want to give up. I determined on my walk back to my dorm room I would not give up and all I needed to do was to change my thinking... I could not waste time on negative self-defeating thoughts but filled my mind with confident, believing determination. I can grasp the ideas in this book and I will finish strong! I worked harder in that class than probably any other class in my four years of college an ended up with a "C"... a "C" I was very proud of!! I believe the professor passed me mainly because he sensed my determination and tenacity to not give up and rewarded me for it. Or maybe he just felt sorry for me... ha! ha! But hey, there's no denying I pushed through because of right thinking and I passed!!! I envisioned future success and made it happen.
Do you believe the circumstances in your life right now are a direct result of the way you think? Change your mind and change your world. The direction we are headed can be
altered. What do you want to do or be or have? Can we attract those realities in life by developing the right mental model?
In the Bible Jesus says some peculiar things... In Mark 11:22 he says... "Listen to me! You can pray for anything , and if you believe, you will have it." He also says if we have faith as small as a mustard seed we can say to a mountain throw yourself in the sea and it will obey. It seems a little impossible right? The emphasis I think he's trying to get across is "faith"... When we pray we have taken the time to bring to mind what we desire/need and then we present it to God in prayer... but it can't stop there. We have to believe in what we desire and have faith and determination that what we ask for is already ours. (Jesus words, not mine!) Our lack of faith and negative thought process will only delay life circumstances from lining up according to our desire/need. When we are unbelieving and full of fear and negativity that's what we attract into our lives because that's what we expend energy on! WHY?? Seems ridiculous. Jesus also said over 300 times DO NOT FEAR!!! Why not expend energy on what is true, right, noble, excellent and praise worthy and attract those things into our life instead? It just makes sense! What we think is what we are... Romans 12:1 says "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world but be TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND". Think right and live right! Change your thoughts and change your world!
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